There are certain times in a day when we just indulge in some verb instinctively. Like yesterday, I decided to meet my estranged boy friend. He is no more a boy. He is a man. The hours of iron pumping have transformed him into some kind of a gentle giant. Nature had been kind to have bestowed him with vertical growth pattern. And a pseudo Gym God has turned him from a Bag of Bones to a delectable PIECE OF MEAT n MORE.
So we just decided to meet. Began on a precise, business-like manner, with exchange of texts discussing the time and place to meet. I was nervous, wary, unsure. But the overwhelming feeling was that of ease. I was bored sitting at home, doing nothing much and this was that tiny window to just take a break from boredom.
Then it hit me hard that, well , we are not hitched anymore. So that brought me to the next most important question, i.e "What should I wear?" It was a difficult choice. Deciding what to buy, what to wear is perhaps the toughest, at least for me. My head spins, I feel like fleeing the scene. It seems as if the clothes would attack me any moment for picking one over the others. They look ominous. And yesterday this struggle increased manifold.
So here we were, not together any more, but Oh I am so still in love with this guy. Should I dress to kill, or should I dress to care the least? Would a little bit of skin show be casually mixed in, or should I just try the docile look and so many more similar questions were bubbling to the surface of my fashion Consciousness. To dress 'PLATONICALLY' is like walking on thin ice, that too bare feet.
Nevertheless, I did wear clothes, something which would in no way heighten the sizzle we had so long shared. Nor was I dressed to kill any sensory joys. Phew! I though I balanced it well. Did not really get any feed back from the Beef Cake to substantiate my claim. Its just presumption for now.
Then we met. And like always, I was awestruck by how beautiful he really is. Handsome may be the favoured word, but then I am gender neutral with words and with mostly everything. Back to the beautiful face. Yeah he looks very good. Girls, friends, any one who is looking out for a hitch may consider him. No, on a second thought you may not. Till its not the final moments of goodbye, I would like to keep the pleasure of staring at that face as much as I can. Time flies so fast.
It was time for my nasal sensors to go on an overdrive now. The He smell. It filled the space of the mid-sized car. I kicked myself to stop the stream of not too saintly images from flooding my head. Okay that was a mistake that I made, because I thought I had done well in the first few minutes of this meeting. I was a fool I realised each passing moment of the 'getting together.'
How on earth did I forget, he smiled a lot and most of the times it reached his eyes and very often it could cause severe damage to hearts, eyes etc? What the hell was I thinking and why did I even trust my super human powers to stay all sorted out and calm when such a potent and dangerous mixture of elements was sitting so close by? How on earth did I forget, he was my boyfriend not so long back and the effect he had on me?
But I had promised myself, I shall behave well and keep it together. "So how have you been?" he asked through his smile. "Sad" I muttered within. "I am good" was the more audible reply. I was feeling good seeing him after a long time. But pain is a tough turtle. It is tough to break, its slow and it almost always refuses to leave.
Incessant talking, I decided was the only way out to prevent my heart from escaping through my mouth or tears escape the eyes. So the motor mouth was back. We kept blabbering, laughing and jesting around. I wondered, whats going on in his head? Whats his take?
We discussed how the breakup has affected us. It seems he found solace in repairing the bathroom and making it wife-worthy. Well, for the teeming million or the huge thousands who are not aware we exist, let me initiate you into our love story with the fact that he always wished to marry while I was scared of the M word. He believes in marriage, I do not. That was the point of disagreement. And my fears eventually came true. Marriage ruined our love. Yeah, we never married, but the dreaded thing has the sting of a cobra even on a casual mention. But he still wishes to marry. Bless Him!!!
Back to the bathroom-solace-wife conversation. He really wanted me to move on, find a person of my choice and marry him. Well, I always had that person with me. In fact, that moment, I was sitting alongside him and ogling at him, but moving on was absurd. Move on from what? I can move away from Delhi and his life, but move onto what? I do not wish to move on. It is not a fair and I aint stall hopping for sure. People and relationships cannot be replaced by new ones or borrowed ones, that has been a tiny knowledge I have learnt from all the death, pain and loss I encountered. I have added new friends in my buddy list, but the old ones are still there. Not a single one has been waylaid. New and old co-exist. And I like it that way. We can never move on from our own self.
His logical argument was that my parents worry, he worries and everyone else worries that I will be left alone and lonely as age shall catch on. I sat back and thought. Is it just the necessity for people that drives us to form communities, groups and relationship? Does the fear of living alone cause so much of a ripple in our lives, that we decide to marry, or attach ourselves to any living form in any manner whatsoever?
Unfortunately, right now another crises hit me and my lappy. The battery is dying and oh so fast, resembling my soon to be "ed" relationship. Also a more mundane reason is the fact I am sleepy and I would take some time out before I figure out the answer to the concluding question. So Long, dear blog diary...
We shall continue soon enough. The story of the Saturday is far from over.....
So we just decided to meet. Began on a precise, business-like manner, with exchange of texts discussing the time and place to meet. I was nervous, wary, unsure. But the overwhelming feeling was that of ease. I was bored sitting at home, doing nothing much and this was that tiny window to just take a break from boredom.
Then it hit me hard that, well , we are not hitched anymore. So that brought me to the next most important question, i.e "What should I wear?" It was a difficult choice. Deciding what to buy, what to wear is perhaps the toughest, at least for me. My head spins, I feel like fleeing the scene. It seems as if the clothes would attack me any moment for picking one over the others. They look ominous. And yesterday this struggle increased manifold.
So here we were, not together any more, but Oh I am so still in love with this guy. Should I dress to kill, or should I dress to care the least? Would a little bit of skin show be casually mixed in, or should I just try the docile look and so many more similar questions were bubbling to the surface of my fashion Consciousness. To dress 'PLATONICALLY' is like walking on thin ice, that too bare feet.
Nevertheless, I did wear clothes, something which would in no way heighten the sizzle we had so long shared. Nor was I dressed to kill any sensory joys. Phew! I though I balanced it well. Did not really get any feed back from the Beef Cake to substantiate my claim. Its just presumption for now.
Then we met. And like always, I was awestruck by how beautiful he really is. Handsome may be the favoured word, but then I am gender neutral with words and with mostly everything. Back to the beautiful face. Yeah he looks very good. Girls, friends, any one who is looking out for a hitch may consider him. No, on a second thought you may not. Till its not the final moments of goodbye, I would like to keep the pleasure of staring at that face as much as I can. Time flies so fast.
It was time for my nasal sensors to go on an overdrive now. The He smell. It filled the space of the mid-sized car. I kicked myself to stop the stream of not too saintly images from flooding my head. Okay that was a mistake that I made, because I thought I had done well in the first few minutes of this meeting. I was a fool I realised each passing moment of the 'getting together.'
How on earth did I forget, he smiled a lot and most of the times it reached his eyes and very often it could cause severe damage to hearts, eyes etc? What the hell was I thinking and why did I even trust my super human powers to stay all sorted out and calm when such a potent and dangerous mixture of elements was sitting so close by? How on earth did I forget, he was my boyfriend not so long back and the effect he had on me?
But I had promised myself, I shall behave well and keep it together. "So how have you been?" he asked through his smile. "Sad" I muttered within. "I am good" was the more audible reply. I was feeling good seeing him after a long time. But pain is a tough turtle. It is tough to break, its slow and it almost always refuses to leave.
Incessant talking, I decided was the only way out to prevent my heart from escaping through my mouth or tears escape the eyes. So the motor mouth was back. We kept blabbering, laughing and jesting around. I wondered, whats going on in his head? Whats his take?
We discussed how the breakup has affected us. It seems he found solace in repairing the bathroom and making it wife-worthy. Well, for the teeming million or the huge thousands who are not aware we exist, let me initiate you into our love story with the fact that he always wished to marry while I was scared of the M word. He believes in marriage, I do not. That was the point of disagreement. And my fears eventually came true. Marriage ruined our love. Yeah, we never married, but the dreaded thing has the sting of a cobra even on a casual mention. But he still wishes to marry. Bless Him!!!
Back to the bathroom-solace-wife conversation. He really wanted me to move on, find a person of my choice and marry him. Well, I always had that person with me. In fact, that moment, I was sitting alongside him and ogling at him, but moving on was absurd. Move on from what? I can move away from Delhi and his life, but move onto what? I do not wish to move on. It is not a fair and I aint stall hopping for sure. People and relationships cannot be replaced by new ones or borrowed ones, that has been a tiny knowledge I have learnt from all the death, pain and loss I encountered. I have added new friends in my buddy list, but the old ones are still there. Not a single one has been waylaid. New and old co-exist. And I like it that way. We can never move on from our own self.
His logical argument was that my parents worry, he worries and everyone else worries that I will be left alone and lonely as age shall catch on. I sat back and thought. Is it just the necessity for people that drives us to form communities, groups and relationship? Does the fear of living alone cause so much of a ripple in our lives, that we decide to marry, or attach ourselves to any living form in any manner whatsoever?
Unfortunately, right now another crises hit me and my lappy. The battery is dying and oh so fast, resembling my soon to be "ed" relationship. Also a more mundane reason is the fact I am sleepy and I would take some time out before I figure out the answer to the concluding question. So Long, dear blog diary...
We shall continue soon enough. The story of the Saturday is far from over.....
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